About the First of the Last

Warning! Text heavy post up ahead! 

Today is the day that marks the official end of the first semester for my last year in university! I passed all the projects. Defended one, even. Gave my adviser all my internship documents. It’s finally done and I am relieved. Hey! Only 5 more months to go before graduation. The anticipation is killing me and I’m sure, the school load will too.

I have to say, the past semester has not been good to me. Some things just didn’t pan out the way I desperately wanted them to. But, these things do happen.

Let me elaborate…

For starters, my On-the-Job training requirement for school was not much of a dream-come-true. With internships, you tend to have this dream job of sorts in mind. I think. That so didn’t happen to me! But you have to deal with what the universe has given you, especially with the time constraints. My internship contract ended around the 2nd month after school started but despite finishing quite early, the experience landed me into LOTS of personal trouble. I admit, I have made poor poor poor choices.

Another thing. My student organization council gig was not so good. I don’t know. Before the start of the academic year, I was ready to face things head on. I was ready to commit. But life happens, I guess. I had to finish my OJT work. Also, I had errands at home, and sometimes the parents just decide that I should stay at home for some days. Clearly, despite being in my early 20s, my parents still think I’m a kid. Sheesh. Excuses aside, I did not perform. I know that for a fact, regrettably so. Hopefully, I can redeem myself for the next semester.

With these first two cases, I seriously wish I could turn back time. Since I can’t, then, I have to live with my poor! decisions.

The projects. Grr. Those projects are the bane of my existence (as a student). The only thing that bothered me with regards to all the projects that I’ve passed for my final this semester was that it wasn’t good enough. So not good enough. Being a semi-perfectionist and wanna-be overachiever in school, those projects did not make me happy. They were very much not up to par. But what’s done is done. I’ve passed them and hopefully, the grade will be better than the actual project. Plus points for attendance, sir?

On a more personal note, my relationships with people around me suffered a bit. My family, peers, the boyfriend – these relationships have been a tad rocky. I can certainly pinpoint why I rocked the boat on these relationships… and for that, I’m sorry. Truly. I am. No excuses. I promise to get better at all this though. Promise. Promise. Promise.

Hopefully, in a couple month’s time, I’ll be blogging about walking down the aisle… and accepting my diploma! YEY~

Wish me luck for next semester!

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How Blogging Affected Me

So, i was looking and reading blogs all throughout the inter-webs, and I wondered how so many blogs exist and how these bloggers continue to just have heaps of ideas and stuff to write about. Look at me, for example, I haven’t “blogged” about anything in days simply because lately, no event has been deemed “blog-worthy” to me. Maybe I am just picky about my topics or maybe i’m just too plain and boring to have an interesting life, it still doesn’t change the fact that I had nothing to share to the blogosphere. So, here I am.

Google-d ‘blogging’ and this was the first image result. 🙂

Again, I was browsing through random blogs, right? As I was reading the stuff they’ve posted, it occurred to me that these bloggers know their stuff. What I mean is that, they know what to write about. I guess they just know what they want to tell the world. And with my usual over-thinking self, I realized that these people had solid identities. They knew who they were inside and out. They are very much sure as to who they are for they are able to share to their readers their thoughts, likes, dislikes, etc. They all had unique personalities.

These thoughts brought to mind the very harsh words my sister told me: “You don’t have a personality.” Ouch, right? It sucks to know that someone perceives me to be lacking of a personality. Hell, it’s my sister!

But anyway, she explained that I don’t have a personality due to my not having any “hard-core” hobbies. You see, i do whatever I feel, whenever I feel like it. A freewheeler, you might say. (See what I did there? LOL) I don’t want to box myself in with regards to what I want to do for fun.

Despite that though, there are a few activities that I tend to do more than others, like reading and writing, like going on food trips, like taking photos – stuff you might see here on my blog. Still, those things aren’t enough for my sister, I guess. And no, she is not a villain for saying that to me. She just said that to “guide” me in life, as she feels i’m not moving forward nor up. LOL

Whew. That was a lot.

I’ve come to a realization as i write this blog entry. (that blogging is cathartic!) With regards to my personality, hey, maybe I just don’t know myself that much yet. I haven’t really bloomed and became conscious of who I am and who I was becoming till i started university. The past years, I’ve really looked at myself – the good, the bad, the things in between and I’ve made visible changes. I am getting there, I think. I guess it all boils down to me knowing who I am so that I can be true to myself and share that truth to the world… hence, the blog.

Am I making any sense? (Anyway, rant over.)

Memory

image from Tumblr.

Everyone has regrets. Everyone has made mistakes. I think there is no one on earth without one. There are things that you’ve done you’d rather you didn’t. Sad as that may be, that’s just how life goes, i guess.

There are those memories that would be best forgotten, you know? There are experiences that you just wish were just dreams – figments of your imagination; that you wish you could travel back in time and stop from happening. And when you look back, you ask yourself, “what were you thinking? were you even thinking?” I have a handful of them and i still berate myself whenever i get reminded of my regrets.

I think it’s natural to make mistakes and to regret them… but it would make everything, at least, slightly better if we learn from them. It would be worse if we committed mistakes then, in the future, commit the same ones again. That’s just plain stupid.

I’ve come to realize that yes, it would feel better if these bad memories are washed away from your head; that they would be erased forever and never to be known again but it would be best, I think, that these things be kept with you as you walk through life. For me, it’s a good thing to have reminders of your mistakes. These regrets, these mistakes, they keep us in check. They remind us of what we’ve done and they are examples of things to not do… again. Ever.

Yes, we make mistakes. Yes, we regret them. Yes, we’d rather we forget about them… but in reality, there’s very little chance we forget about them, so, just make good out of something perceived as bad and learn from them.

Don’t kill that memory. Keep it  and learn from it. I know I will.

Mistakes are sometimes the best memories.